Been a while

So it's been a while since I've posted on here. I just haven't really felt like doing anything creative or being too involved in anything lately. I've totally slacked on my scrap booking project I was working on and totally have been avoiding blogging. Life just hasn't really been all that great lately. I've kind of gone back into single mom mode and it's tiring. What little help I get from the significant other who really isn't all that significant is barely any help at all. I'm tired and worn down and frustrated that I put in so much effort in the current life and it feels like it's just all been thrown back in my face. I've done what I can and there's nothing else I can do to make anything better, and I don't think I want it to get better. All I can say is I don't know what I'd do without some of my friends. My friends have always been my family. My family has really just been people who come in and out of my life at their convenience and right now the only reason I have a relationship with my family is because of Kai.

This past weekend I got to see my best friend who has been my best friend for almost 13 years. We spent our giggling teenaged years locked up in her bedroom drooling over posters of boys, listening to the same music and chatting about everything. When I moved it was one of the hardest things to do because her family was a second family to me. Watching her and her siblings grow into their own families is incredible and I love that I'm still included in their lives. It was so hard to say good bye though because I miss having her around in my life on a regular basis. Now we talk maybe once a week for a good 3 hours on the phone and Facebook each other, but it's just not the same. I don't have a really close friend like that here and although I do have one who is close it's just not the same.

It just seems these last few years just as I get my life on track I de-rail all of a sudden and everything goes every which way and I get caught up in the whirlwind and don't know what to do. This time it affects Kai though and I hurt for him knowing that the big change coming will be so hard on him. I just hope like all the other times we do get through this okay and Kai realizes every choice I make is to better our lives together and to focus on him having a healthier and happier future. One day I hope he understands we all have to make sacrifices to live a better life.