Monday, March 30, 2009

Motherhood Mission Statement

My husband and I were recently trying to put into words our "mission statement" as parents- what values and morals we would like to instill in our daughter, what kind of young lady we would like her to become, how we define the word "family", and how we plan to encourage and support her as she becomes the young woman and, someday adult, that she wants to be. Here is some of what we came up with:

* We strive to ensure that our children are raised in an environment where the word "family" means those who are always there to provide unconditional support with no strings or conditions attached.
* We want our children to know that it's okay to disagree but we expect that they will do so respectfully and, after their point is made, the case is rested and no hard feelings or resentment remain.
* We want to raise our children to know that situations should be dealt with and confronted directly rather than avoiding the conflict to maintain an outward appearance or false front of peace.
* We expect our children to have kind and loving spirits and to not speak poorly about others, in their presence or behind their back.

* Our top priority is our children's happiness and, even if they make life choices that aren't necessarily what we would have chosen for them, we want them to know that they have made the right decision for the right reasons and that we will support them fully.
* We want our children to be surrounded by those who truly love them and who have from the moment they were conceived and who show it with actions and not just words.
* We aim to enable our children to grow up around those who love not only them but also their mother and father unconditionally as we figure that is the model they will use to shape and mold their own relationships and expectations as adults.

* Our children should be able to look in the mirror at the end of every day and know that they have done the right thing and have made good, honest decisions.
* We hope to teach our children that they control their own happiness in life and that being happy is more important than any material item or possession.

What is your motherhood mantra or "mommy mission statement"?

Brand new blogger...

First, thanks to Britt for inviting me to contribute. I've been putting off my first post as I was having a hard time thinking of anything witty to say. Then I realized it wasn't about competing to see who could be the most entertaining, we are all moms in the same boat, trying to figure out this parenting thing. I'm currently reading Duma Key (Stephen King, like my life isn't scary enough), and he says "Parenting is the ultimate hum-a-few-bars and I'll fake it" experience!

I had to post regarding the news this morning that a 50 year old man in Calgary left his 21 month old son in the cars for an estimated 6 hours while he was in the casino. I am outraged! I try to be a level-headed human being, but stories like this make me see red. There were apparently blankets over the vehicle's windows so people couldn't see inside, which leads me to the conclusion (jumping to them is my favourite form of exercise) that he knew damn well what he was doing was wrong. So wrong he wanted to hide it. The baby was found "lightly" dressed, with no shoes or socks, crying and he had vomited on himself. I shed a tear for that poor child and how abandoned and alone he must have felt.

I sincerely hope that the justice system chooses to make an example of this man, and not just slap him on the wrist as we've seen in similer cases in the past.

Also, I beg to everyone as parents, not to leave your children alone in the car. Not even for a minute! Too much can happen that is beyond your control, and could you really live with yourself if something did happen?

What are your thoughts?

Saturday, March 28, 2009

I know you don't all read my blog lol

I've been reading Twilight for the past three days and ending it with the movie, I have to say I love both dearly.
I've become an obsessed really, I feel like I am 12 again with those feelings that any actor I like I will marry, pretty sad right? Whatever, I didn't really have much of a childhood, I grew up to fast, with having lawyers in my life from 14 to 18.. doesn't seem long does it? it was, it made me have to grow up, make sure every move I made was carefully planned, not even being able to go to high school and finish my degree of a high school diploma.
I think I have a right to act like a 12 year old child again, in some ways to be exact.

This book Twilight, made my imagination run wild, something I can honestly say that I really haven't done in a VERY long time, which is sad, esp when you have a young child...
I've never been one to have much emotion either, I cry, I get happy and that stuff, but in a loving way I never show it really.

This bringing up my sex life in my mind, after having Lilly, the sex life went down hill, I am sure most mothers experiance this, and it really suck's.
My day's are not long, I sleep in EVERY DAY until 9 am, so I really shouldn't be as tired as I am at night, Lilly is a VERY independant little girl, hardly needing me, other then to feed and change her, so she is a really easy baby.

So after thinking about my depressed sex life and reading this book.. weird combination right?
I have decided we need to bring some spice into it, which we will be doing from now on.. role playing possibly? hehe.

I'm really excited, I am really happy that Steve is really trying to get me excited about sex again, I am excited that I can discus things with him and what I want in the bedroom.. I never been open minded really about sex, I never thought of it in a way that it's a nessary thing...

How weird is it that one book, called Twilight that is towards young teen girls could make me think of stuff like this.. is it possible that maybe I am not as grown up as I thought I was or is it because I want to be younger again and think that any man I like will marry me?

I've wanted to get married since the day I saw Steve, it was almost three years ago now and yet I still don't even have an engagement ring from him, which makes me sad, it makes me feel like he doubts our relationship a bit, which could not even be the thing, he could just be content in how we live, common - law?

I've been pretty much just babbling here, but I hope you get the jist of what I am trying to say, it might just be some words.


Identity Theft

I am sure that most mothers would agree that they longed for children and could not wait for the day they announced to the world that they were pregnant. After being told everything was fine they concentrated on worrying how they were going to get through the labour and if they were ready for a child.

Once the child arrives things change in a way you never imagined and the part that people never tell you about is the loss of yourself. Once you have a child, until they leave home or can at least fend for themselves, you are nothing more than a reflection of your former self. The days of popping out to the shops are over, enjoying a leisurely meal doesn’t happen and wild nights on the town are impossible. This doesn’t mean that your life stops, it just adapts. After all your child / children will always be your first priority.

After 3 children I still struggle with the person I used to be verses the person I’ve turned into. I’ve lost all spontaneity, can’t do late nights out because looking after kids with a hangover is too difficult and rarely go to the toilet alone. But I have now got some very close friends, a good supportive network and I am a master at indoor crafts and cake baking.

I have just about accepted that the old me has gone and most of the time I’m comfortable with the way my life has evolved. And very occasionally when the moon is out, the old me forces its way out of the shadows and for a few brief hours, I’m reminded of the time before children.

My long road to motherhood

I thought I would share with you about my long road to motherhood. My husband and I got married when I was 30. We waited a couple of years before trying for kids. My husband had been married before and has a son and daughter from that marriage. When we decided to try for a baby we had no reason to think this would be hard. Well I got pregnant after only 2 months of trying. It was strange cause I got a bit of spotting just after my positive test. I went to the Dr. to have it confirmed but she said no I was not p/g. So I think that is odd I had 2 test in my purse to show her and she still said no I wasn't. In hind sight I should have told her I wanted a blood test but I was new to this and didn't even know about asking for this. So I go back in a week and they do another test and still not pg but the home ones are showing +. I finally called the p/g test phone number and they said there is no way to get a false positive but that Dr. offices use ones that aren't as sensitive so that could be it. The lady at the p/g test # suggested going to a walk in clinic to get tested and ask for a blood test. By this time I had some bleeding but not like a period. I went to the clinic and they sent me for blood work and it showed I was p/g but that the levels where pretty low for the stage I was at. They where great and sent me for an ultrasound on the Monday and it showed that the baby was really small and no heartbeat. I was so disappointed. They said to just let it run it's course and try again in a couple of months.

So that's what we did. Again it took us 2 month to get p/g and this time things where looking great. No spotting. went to a walk in to get confirmed (never wnet back to the Dr. that said I wasn't p/g). I was about 10 weeks along, so close to the magic 12 weeks we where feeling really happy. Then I had just a little discolored discharge. Not much and I wished it away but it didn't work. I had an appointment with my OB two day later and he checked me out and said that sometimes this happens but my cervix is closed and so it is all okay . If it gets worse just go to the hospital not a walk in. Then a few days later it was worse. I went to the hospital and I guess while I was waiting for a Dr. to examine me I passed the fetus. The dam Dr. asked if I wanted to see it. I was so heartbroken. two babies that I had lost. I went to my OB a couple of weeks later to get checked and he said that everything looked good. I asked why this was happening and he said this can just happen but that they can't really do much until you have 3 consecutive miscarriages. That really sucked. So needless to say we got p/g again and again I miscarried. Each time was just a little more devastating to us.

Now I have 3 m/c under my belt I can get some test done I have an HSG test where they inject you with a dye that shows the inside of your uterus looks like and I get referred to another ob. That was one of the best thing to happen. The new OB was so great! He found scar tissue and he could do a procedure to remove it and then we should be okay. Happy day we will be able to have a baby. Except that ooops I got p/g before the surgery we where trying but DH is not big on condoms. No it didn't work and I m/c again. This is #4 really really hard to think about loosing all those babies. After a few months I had the surgery and healed up nicely. I had to be on birth control for a number of months to let things heal and then we got to try again. Wow first month and we are p/g. This is it everything it going to be great! He told me to take baby aspirins and once p/g I took progesterone pills to help make things work. Except that it didn't at about 8 wks I had spotting and ended up loosing another baby. By this time people are saying well there is always adoption and what about IVF. Not maybe next time. By this time I am just feeling like I won't be able to have kids and it is really hard to think about with out crying my eyes out. Meanwhile my friends that decided to have start families around the same time as me are having babies and thinking about a second one. I had a niece born who love but it is hard to see babies everywhere and wonder if I will ever have one. Anyway my OB was great. He worked at the Calgary Fertility Clinic before he went on his own and he had talked to the Dr. there about me. He sent a request in for me to go to them and in the mean time I had an other p/g that we did bed rest and everything else and still I ended up having to have a D&C. The good thing was the the Fertility clinic called 2 days after the m/c and they had a cancellation for the following week!! So we do this whole battery of tests including DH having to come and fill a cup! He was so not impressed as there was nothing wrong with him!! Anyway they did another HSG and it looked like I had more scaring come back. So another surgery this one more invasive as they wanted to see the inside and outside to see if there was something going on. The Dr. said once he got in everything looked fine and he just removed a tiny bit of scaring. When we went to the follow-up appointment they basically said we can not find a reason why this is happening. Great that is it I'm not going to have a baby. The Dr. did suggest that my uterine lining could be too thin and so he suggested taking Clomid prior to conceiving and then I had to do progesterone supositories till I hit 13 wks. Okay I will try anything. Once again we try and first month p/g Hurray!! The most amazing thing was even though I had always felt hopeful with each p/g when I found out I was p/g this time I knew it was going to be okay I had an ultrasound at 6 weeks and the baby was the right size and there was 1 (risk of twins with clomid). I cut my hours back a bit at work and took it easy. I was very superstious this time around. I also went to a lady and got some stuff that was to help keep the uterus healthy during p/g. I had to go for weekly blood test to monitor my HCG levels for the first 13 wks too. Low and behold after 6 m/c on Dec. 13 2002 I had a beautiful baby girl!!! It was a long hard time but it just made us that much happier to be blessed with our children. Because of all that we went through we decided if we where to have one more we should try soon and I said that if I have more than one m/c then we are not meant to have 2 kids I just didn't think I could get on that roller coaster again and I knew I could be happy with having one child. We tried 10 months later and first month p/g I knew again that this baby would be healthy and go to term and I knew it was going to be a boy. I ended up having an amnio as something in one of the test made the Dr. concerned. When they called to say all was good and it was a boy. I told the lady I knew it. She just laughed. I feel truly blessed to have my kids and the road we went through showed me that my husband and I can make it through anything and how special having kids can be. I just thought if anyone was going through something like I did it would help to read my story.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Praise Moves

As you know, I'm HUGE on walking. I love to walk. It's the only exercise I can actually get myself to do consistently, and I absolutely LOVE the way I feel when I'm walking, and after I'm done. I am invigorated, stimulated, energized, and focused. Woohoo!

What I like best is that you can use walking as a spiritual meditation - it's not always easy to do that with other kinds of exercise.

However, for some reason, not all of us like walking. I can hardly believe it, but there was a time when even I didn't like to walk.

So, what can you do then?

Read more here:

Thursday, March 26, 2009

The Big Question

Why is it okay to ask personal questions? Or am I an overly private person?

Why ask me when I'm going to have another baby? Is this any of your business? Lately, I've been getting alot of questions from friends, family and co-workers regarding the possibility of more kids. I know I'm getting older but c'mon!

Maybe it bothers me because I don't know. I want another baby but I'm not sure if we will. I would love to have a big bunch of kids. Okay, maybe not a BIG BUNCH but in a perfect world, I wouldn't mind having 4. But this isn't a perfect world. And I am already 38 years old. And we live in a 2 bedroom house. And only one of us is working (outside the home). Logically, it doesn't make sense.

Sometimes I just want to say screw logic.

It's a struggle some days

This whole being a mom, a wife, a housekeeper, and working from home is becoming a larger struggle than I thought it would be.
I figured, I am at home...the best place in the world to be; my mom never got to stay home when my dad left when I was 2 and I had wanted that so badly, so I am glad I have the chance to stay home with my little boy and offer him what I did not have! But to bring in a little money so I don't feel the guilt of my hubby supporting us and so we have some fun money, I decided last year to work for my mom from home. It went quite well so I tackled it again this year (the bulk of her work and heavy deadlines is Jan-June).
Well this year there is quite a bit more work, my little boy is quite a bit more active, I am trying to get my body in shape b/c I cannot bear to be this flabby and porky anymore, and still maintain a home and be there for my hubby!! It seems this week it's all becoming so overwhelming and I am starting to fall apart!!!!
How do the moms who have to get up in the morning, make themselves presentable, haul their kids to daycare, work a full 8 hrs, come home to dinner, kids, hubby, and perhaps a moment of peace, do it??? Honestly I feel ready to break!
Tomorrow I am taking a day to spend with my son and recoup my soul! I need it before I snap!

I blame it all on my Hubby...

I took Hannah and Justin to get their haircuts this morning. Hannah's bangs were starting to come down to her eyes and well, Justin is looking like a little girl.
The two kids worked it out between themselves (which is wonderful) that Hannah was going to go first (the reasoning being is that she is older. lol)
Hannah sits in the chair and while she is getting her hair cut Justin is in my arms saying "no hair cut Mommy no hair cut" over and over again. All the while I am thinking "oh oh this is not going to be good!"
Before I continue on with my story I must tell you all that over the last few weeks my lovely Husband has been chasing Justin around the house with his hair clippers telling Justin he is going to cut his hair. Poor Justin's reaction to this is screaming at his Daddy with tears in his eyes screaming "no Daddy!" His hand in the air as if to stop him. This is funny at the time. But not so funny this morning I tell you!
After Hannah finishes getting her hair cut I put Justin in the chair and he starts to cry and goes all limp. Not good at all. I felt so bad for him!
Needless to say Justin did not get his hair cut today. We will try again on Wednesday at an earlier time and it will just be him and I there. Hannah will be in preschool. I am hoping that less distractions will help him cope with getting it done. My fingers are crossed.
And I have already warned my lovely husband to STOP tormenting Justin with his hair clippers!!!

A change

Have you ever gone to the hair dresser thinking... I want a change I want something that is different, I am tired of the same old same old. I have never ever been one to really try new things. Some ole same ole Tanya here. But for some reason when I went to get my hair cut and streaked I told her I wanted it short. She looked at me as if I was on glue or something. I said I want it all gone. She was like are you sure I said yes. I want something short and easy to manage. I said I want it to be wash and go. I said I have a curling iron but I don't think its been truned on in 15 years and I don't own a blow dryer. So off it came. I have to admit I do like the shortness of it but it is also going to take some getting used to. So far everyone likes it. I guess I just have to convince myself of it.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Spirit of Poverty - Part 6

So, let me start today's post with a bit of humour.

I'm trying so hard to not let the weather discourage me from getting out and walking. And I'm also doing this whole new training process with my "funky feet". Yes, it's cold and wet, but the shoes dry so quickly, and it's absolutely wonderful to walk and feel all the bumps and texture of the road under my feet - sort of like a reflexology massage as I walk.

Anyway, I had to smile this morning - I've left what appear to be "barefoot" tracks in the snow where I walked. I'm sure that's going to turn a few heads as people head out of doors this morning! I wish I could see their faces!

Read more here:

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

have you ever

made a little book in your head about the amusing moments in your life. I mean, there have been so many moments that I never wanted to forget and most of them were the funny ones. But of course, I tend to forget them until something similiar happens and draws it back into my memory.
I was thinking about funny things that I can grab off the top of my head that my kids have said.
When Chayse was around two, my girlfriend and her mom came to my mom's for coffee.
Well, Robin's mom picked Chayse up, and said "Chayse, I have always wanted a little boy. Want to come to my house and live with me, and be my little boy?"
And my son looks her up and down and says "Get a dog" He was TWO!! I damned near died. We all laughed until we were darned near in hysterics.
Another time, he was 5, and we were travelling to Victoria for a friend's wedding. Well, we stopped at a store to pick up some food for the road. He was misbehaving and I bent and told him that if he didn't smarten up, we would leave the store. He pipes up, "Oh no! (sarcastically) don't lock me up by myself in the hot truck again!"
I could have crawled out of there with all of those people shooting me the dirty looks. No, I didn't ever lock my kid in the hot truck, but oh man I was tempted after that.
Then, I remember, last year, when Piper was 3, I told her to pull her pants up because I could see her bum crack.
She was mortified.
"my bum has a crack in it??" and then she started to cry. I asked why she was crying "My bum is broken, it has a crack in it. I need a new bum mommy!!"
I was crying I was laughing so hard.
Anyways, I will come back and add more as I think of them

My goodness what a week and its only tuesday

Things around here have been nuts to say the least. I am not a morning person... yeah I know how have I survived as a mother.... I am fine providing they are not up before 7 lol... but the last 3 mornings I have had to be up at 5. What a killer! Anyway come 5pm I am exhusted and ready to climb into bed and say good night. But as many of us know with kids that doesn't always work out that way. Then when you have to deal with a couple of CRANKY kids that doesn't help matters either. And the level of frusteration seems to be right at the max when you are tired. All I can say is my poor I totally think there are people that a cut out to get up early but there are people like me who are not. How do people adjust to early mornings I dont know but I would love to know the secret. i do have to say the best thing at night is curling up on the couch with my two beautiful children reading a story and they reach over and give you that hug and say I love you..... what a perfect way to end a day.

Before there were remotes and cell phones?

What was it that we coveted as babies, those of us who were infants before these fascinating pieces of technology existed, as much as my son covets the remotes and my phone?

All of our remotes are short 1 battery, so that he cannot reprogram them, or adjust the volume to booming levels. I attempt to keep my cell phone out of reach but some how it has ended up in the toy basket twice in the past week. I am really hoping he hasn't managed to call Australia yet, and so far I don't think he has dialed 911.

I think I am going to call my mom.

Snot and Vomit

Before having children, seeing little kids with snotty noses used to make me go ughhhh. Now that I have 3 little ones of my own I think nothing of wiping their noses or any other child's runny nose. However that does not apply to vomit. Cleaning up sick is a challenge for me.

Last night my son wasn't feeling well so I put him to bed early. A few hours later I was in bed reading when he came in, got into my bed and proceeded to vomit all over the sheets and pillows. I know he is only 3 but he could have made it to the bathroom.

So I clean up his mess then put him back into his bed. By now I am feeling a little ill myself and then I'm sick. Have you ever looked after kids when you feel ill, believe me it is not easy. Anyway my son must have heard me so he comes into the bathroom and gives me a small red bucket (which he usually keeps his cars in). I was really touched.

This morning he is fully recovered and has even more energy. I'm still feeling ill and hope tonight that one of my other kids don't come in and repeat the process.

Checking in Week 7 (Sorry I'm Late!)

Well, the combination of messed up Internet and the shift to a laptop from my desktop have caused me to be late with this post. So sorry.

However, I'm quite excited about the results:

I'm also down one inch overall.

Ok, so these are not mind-blowing results, but let me tell you about my week!

Read more here:

Monday, March 23, 2009

Help! Best Main Dish Recipes Needed!

I thought it was a simple and generous offer- invite my husband's coworker and his wife over for dinner this coming weekend. In our three years of marriage we have had plenty of dinner guests and I enjoy entertaining. I can usually prepare something tasty and a bit unusual since I was born and raised in New Mexico and, here in Calgary, authentic Mexican cooking (with many ingredients sent straight from the source via my mother and UPS) can be a treat for those with a sense of adventure and who don't mind a bit of spice.

However, when I asked my husband to please ask his colleague if they have any food allergies or if there is anything they don't like, they replied that they do not like anything spicy. Hmmm, what to do? Sure, I can prepare a tasty steak, pot roast, marinated chicken breasts or something of that sort, but it also so happens that this particular colleague can be classified as a "foodie". He and his wife are the type that often to go a restaurant and stay for 4 hours to enjoy an appetizer, main course, dessert and after dinner cocktail. I highly doubt if they have ever set food in some of my favorite haunts such as Swiss Chalet, Tim Hortons, Opa Souvlaki or Taco Time. This colleague once told my husband that he had turned down a job offer in another city (which happens to be a city of over a million people) because "there weren't any good restaurants" to be found.

I feel like I need Wolfgang Puck or Curtis Stone (the cute blonde chef on the TLC show "Take Home Chef" who picks someone out in the grocery store and offers to go home with them and prepare a gourmet meal for them and their guests) to come and rescue me!

In the meantime, I am searching through cook books for just the right recipe, nothing too difficult and nothing too over-the-top but something that is sure to impress even the most selective diner. If you have a recipe that you'd like to share with a struggling cook in need, I will be forever grateful!

3 more weeks!

Three more weeks until our third little girl arrives and it seems like everything is finally coming together. My husband and I are preparing the "big girls" room, the nursery is almost organized completely, we have one more ultrasound next week and are one Costco trip and one cooking day away from being completely ready!

I am keeping my house sparkling (and pray it stays that way somehow after the c-section), I can still paint my toes and my 2 yr old is almost 100% potty trained! It just seems like this time around is actually the easiest and I have 2 little girls to keep me busy. I am going to try to make the last week (at least) one for me to just rest and enjoy my girls and my Buddha belly. I feel the size of a house, and I am getting bigger and slower each day so I think it is almost time for me to take it easy.

Nervousness has set in and it isn't about taking care of a new baby that scares me, or being a mommy of 3. What scares me is the surgery. I am hoping it goes smoothly and that recovery is okay. So in the meantime I will be praying for an easy surgery, a speedy recovery and of course a healthy babygirl!

So busy

Sorry i've been so busy lately with my child, who is teething, getting into everything... that and I actually got out, Steve was a bit mad at me because we have like no money right now and I spent 20 bucks on drinks for myself *rolling eyes*

Anyways I'm sorry I will try and update as much as I can, I'm really tired now and my period hates me.


Sunday, March 22, 2009

A fairly nice Sunday!!

Well today was a pretty quiet day on the most part! Lucky us though we woke up to close to a foot of snow after almost shorts weather yesterday! Not exactly good news for me but the kids were very excited to go outside and play in it. Other then that we just hung out, i did some laundry and housecleaning. But as the day went on the kids were starting to get on each others nerves and the fighting began. So we decided that we needed some time out of the house. Just the three of us went out for dinner and off to see 'Bolt' at the movie theatre. It was a great end to a fairly mellow day. We got home about 8:30pm and they were both exhausted and went straight to bed....which was nice for me. A couple hours of quiet tv and work time for me.
Tomorrow is another day off work for me because daycare is closed and its their spring break from school. My daughter heads off tomorrow afternoon to go to Medicine Hat for the weekend with her dad. Always a hard day for me because i always worry about her....only 5 days but i will be counting down each one of them!
However, I did promise them that we would build a snowman in the morning so i am looking forward to that:)

I am one lucky woman!!

Well I could not believe it....... the world must becoming to a end!!!LOL
My DH has not once but twice given me a Sunday afternoon to myself! Shocking isn't it! I have been working so hard trying to get everything with the new business worked out and such that I have not been resting, and trying to keep up on house hold stuff as well. I am exhusted!
So last Sunday and today he has told me at about 3pm, go lock yourself in our room, watch tv, relax do whatever u need and I will make sure the kids stay downstairs and leave u alone!
WOW is all I can say those few hours by myself durning the day has helped a lot! Can not wait to see if I get it next Sunday to.
As much as he can drive me nuts, he really does these little things to show me how much he loves me. I am one lucky woman!

Saturday, March 21, 2009

First day at lacrosse

My 4 year old daughter  "Foogie" started lacrosse for the first time this morning. Kids at the "minityke" level have the opportunity to attend a beginners' clinic to introduce them to the sport and to get an idea of the basic rules of the game. So, today we headed off to the training facility to join the other little people and have some fun. 

Lacrosse gear is a little like hockey gear on the upper body; shoulder pads, elbow pads, helmet... and then there's the kidney pads, slash(arm) guards and gloves. That's where Foogie had her issue today. The arm guards are long and bulky on her little arms, and the gloves meet up with them and overlap slightly. There was pinching. Foogie was not happy. There were tears. After a few minutes of negotiation, she decided to continue without the gloves. All in all it was a successful morning. 

When we got home, we dragged out the arm gear and tried out a few different options. After about half an hour, Foogie decided she could manage with the gloves and arm guards. And, being the princess that she is, she's decided gloves are ok. After all, Cinderella wears them, doesn't she? So, my brilliant daughter has decided she is now "Cinderella Lacrosse Princess." So there. 

Wow What a Week!!!

Last night i realized it has been a week since i have posted on here. Needless to say it has been a very crazy week....where to start?
We went to the doctor end of last week for Caymen's check up prior to his dental surgery which is quickly approaching. Our doctor said that he was considered high risk due to some developemental issues. Nothing major but his fine motor skills and speech are behind for his age and he had alot of health issues the first 2 1/2 years of his life. For this reason they felt he should get some blood work done to confirm we were not going to have any issues when he went for surgery due to the general anesthetic. Primarily they want to confirm his kidneys and liver have developed properly. In order to go for these blood tests I had to fast him for 12 to 16 hours. Nothing but water....I thought this was going to be near impossible. But i started it at bedtime and in the morning we drove Lindsay to school and went right to the lab. A bit of whining about being hungry and wanting juice or milk but we made it. The needle no big deal, not a tear shed. But tell him he needs to pee in a that took some convincing. He could not understand why someone would want to see his pee. However, after explaining and convincing we got that done too! Its amazing what children think about the smallest things and here i was worried how he would be with the needle:)
My girls U10 soccer team finished off their end of the season tournament and we came home with the SILVER medal! It was very rewarding and i am so very proud of everyone of them. Actually our last game Lindsay had alot of people turn out to come and watch her play. Her real dad, Grandpa, Grandma and Aunt from Medicine Hat actually drove up just to come and watch the game. Really surprised me as her Dad has maybe seen her play twice before in four years and the rest of that side of the family has never seen her play. We also had her step dad, her little brother and a couple other friends come out. It was very exciting for her!!!! Even though i am not a big fan of her real dads side of the family i was happy for her that they showed up.
Then the morning after the final game, Tuesday, we got up as usual and got ready for work and school. Lindsay said that she had bumps on her hands and proceeded to show me. When i looked at them i thought maybe it was just an allergy reaction, she has bad allergies, and told her i would take her to a walk in after work. So off we went, took them to daycare and i went to work. About 10am i get a phone call from the school saying that the bumps on Lindsay's hands were spreading and appeared to be getting worse and she had told them she had some on her feet as well.
So i packed up some work and off i went to get her and take her to the doctor. When i arrived at the school and looked at her hands it surprised and scared me at how horrible her hands looked only three hours after i had dropped her off. I tried calling our family doctor but they had nothing available for us that day so off to the walk in. Lucky for us it was a quick visit. One look from the doctor at her hands and feet he told us she had 'Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease'! Yeah it sure doesn't sound pretty.
Basically its considered a viral infection and you can not take nothing for it. It cause blisters to grown on your hands, feet and in your mouth. Lucky for us it was only on her hands and feet but still was not an enjoyable week for her. She had up to 20 blisters on one hand and a little less on the other. I didn't count the ones on her feet but one big toe alone had 12 blisters on it, plus they were inbetween and in the creases of her toes as well as along the soles of her feet. They are very painful and she could hardly walk for a couple days when they were at their worst. Oh and did i mention they are contagious. Yeah...that means no school or direct contact for my daughter. Oh and the other side effects.....cold symptoms, ear aches....she found them all and at all the worst times...usually middle of the night!!!
Being that i also have a five year old son in the house. We laid down rules about disinfecting everything and how to ensure he never got this as well. I stayed home from work but worked from home the rest of the week. I felt so sorry for her bored and not being able to do anything for a whole week. But now its almost over....most of the blisters are gone and she should be completely healed up within a couple more days.
So that pretty much gives the short form of my thing i learnt this week is that i know i could not be a stay at home mom. I love my children with all my heart and all my sole but i know that there is no way i could not be a part of the working world. Sure i would love to work less hours and spend more time with them but i also know my career is important to me and I could never give it up 100%. I look forward to the everyday challenges of dealing with people as much as i look forward to the everyday challenges of raising two beautiful children.

Sick little man! 5th diease! Brownie Pudding!

We spent 3 hours in Childrens emergency yesterday and it turns out our son has 5th disease..., he had a fever of a 102 f and was just not himself, hardly moving and always moaning, he had a bright red rash on his face last week as well...and i guess that's how it starts.

All we can do is watch him and give him something to control his fever, which is going pretty good. He's pretty much a happy little guy today, a little cranky but that's understandable! So i'm just hoping this passes quickly! The doctors think he probably caught it from the mom's group we go to on Thursday morning (they made an annoucment this week that a little guy that was there last week now has it!)

All in all nothing new lately other than little sick Logan, just having a nice Saturday and about to go make some potatoe salad and brownie pudding for dinner!!! I need to try this recipe! Sounds soo yummy :)


Such Authority!

My son is 2 1/4 and it is sometimes so amazing to watch how fast they grow up, change, and learn before your eyes. It is often a daily transition that catches you by surprise....and gives you the giggles!

This morning I asked him to go let the dogs (my 2 two mini schnauzers) out of their room where they sleep for the night in their crates. (In our previous homes they slept in their crates beside the bed, but the house we own now is an older home and the master bedroom is swallowed up by our king size bed, so our dressers and dogs have taken up residence in the spare room across the hall!) He just mastered door opening yes in some ways our little genius is so far behind the game when my friends' children mastered that skill long before the age of 2! Once they are freed from prison I let them out to pee. It's an old neighborhood as I mentioned so with all the BIG trees there are A LOT of birds and squirrels! To a schnauzer that still has some genetic memory of why the Germans created the breed; to rid their barns and homes of rats and rodents; it's ALL OUT WAR OUT THERE!!!

Let me be clear; this is only the case to those schnauzers that have retained that genetic memory. Jinx, my 4 year old tiny little princess, has no clue whatsoever that other animals share her backyard! She was a runt and more than slightly oxygen deprived as a puppy in her litter so she simply runs out, pees, eats some snow and returns indoors. I think a 400-strong army of squirrels could be lined up along the railing of our massive deck and she would simply trot past, perhaps singing "Zippity Do Da" in her head, do her business, and come straight back.

Misfit, my 8.5 year old warrior, on the other hand wages battle against these invaders on a daily basis. The magpies sit in the overhanging tree from our neighbors yard and verbally taunt her whenever she's outside. The squirrels dance along the overhead power lines and chatter away at her, which just works her up into a frenzy! She will jump at them, never learning that they will always remain out of reach; I think she must picture herself the size of a ferocious Rottweiler, a fact easily understood when dogs cannot recognize themselves in a mirror and grasp their true identity! So in lacking the ability to catch them and savagely tear them to bits, as she has done to numerous teddy bears, she barks! INCESSANT, loud, vicious-sounding, non-stop barking.

I am not a pet owner that allows my dogs to disrupt the whole neighborhood with endless barking; even though I think 90% of the houses along my street have a dog; so I am constantly out there reprimanding her!

This morning I was replaced by my 2 year old who went over, opened the patio door, stuck his head out and shouted "Puppy NO BARKING!" The giggle was already their on my lips, but when I turned to look the whole experience was sealed with his little finger wagging in the air at her! It was full laughter by that point!

Would you believe that she actually listened to him! :)

Friday, March 20, 2009

Feeling terrible

It was such a marvelous day today! I think the high was +14 and the sky was all blue and clear. My husband returned from work an hour early and we all went for a walk. My son really enjoyed the day too. Later in the evening, my son finished his dinner without a fuss, got changed, took his vitamins and was ready for bed by 7:00pm. A nice finish to a nice day, right? Well, it would have been, till I carried him to the deck to look at something. Then as I entered the kitchen again, my son bumped his head on the door frame. Hard! There was a momentary pause and all hell broke loose. My son was screaming in pain. My husband was screaming at me for being so careless. And I...I don't know. I was panicking; I was sobbing; I was trying to comfort my son.

I put my son to bed shortly after that. He went to sleep very easily. He didn't seem to have a concussion, but how can you be sure? I hope he will wake up his bright eyed and cheerful self tomorrow and all will be well again!

Wow that's not my daughter your talking about, I thought.

Well that was an eye opening puzzling parent/teacher interview today!!

I know that people say that your kids behave very differently at school and with you but my gosh my daughter has this total alter ego!. So here is the update on the p/t interview. The meeting went really well but I am still baffled buy how the teacher's described Bre. Both her homeroom teacher and the music/ gym teacher said she was starting to in the last few month make a real progress in joining in the group. That was good to hear but they could have added that in her report card so I wasn't so panicked. My daughter is a free spirit that loves music and dancing and she sings all the time. She makes up her own songs and sings me songs from school and basically never stops singing sometimes. I figured that she would really do well in that part. One of the shockers was that the music/gym teacher with her main teacher agreeing tells me that music and singing are not Bre's thing. WHAT?????? I was just flabbergasted. There where a few other things like that but mainly it was positive. Her homeroom teacher had come up with some great ways to prompt her so she isn't always asking for help. I knew they we where talking about my daughter when they said she always wants to be the centre of attention. All in all I was very happy with how the meeting went. The teacher is really pleased with how she is doing in math and reading. I am really proud of dd even if she doesn't sing she really does well with all the issues she has she is learning and thriving. Yes she has bumps in the road but many "normal" kids can hit bumps too. She is really a great kid Time to go give her a hug! Have a great day everyone!

Walking a Mile in Someone Else's Shoes

This year for Lent I have given up criticizing others. While in past years I have made the more "traditional" Lenten sacrifices such as giving up coffee, chocolate, dessert, shopping and more tangible objects, this year I decided to change things up. Though the intention behind making a sacrifice for Lent is to help you remember the religious significance of this time of year, many times in past years I just found myself griping about not being able to have my morning coffee or craving the dessert that I "couldn't" eat rather than remembering WHY I was making that sacrifice.

I believe that, to some extent, it is human nature to criticize others and to look for and point out others' faults. I find that many times we, as women are more guilty of this than our spouses and members of the opposite gender. It is so easy to say "Look how much weight she has gained!" or "Wow, his new girlfriend sure isn't pretty." How many times have we honked (or perhaps extended a certain finger) at a rude driver who cuts in front of us or speeds around us? How often do we roll our eyes or make a snide comment to someone who cuts in line in front of us or snap at the waitress or sales clerk who makes a mistake or is less than courteous?

While many times we only criticize others to make ourselves feel better, often we have no idea what is going on in the life of the person who is the victim of our criticism. Perhaps our waitress is flustered because she just learned that her mother passed away but she needs the money so has agreed to stay and finish her shift. Perhaps the rude and hurried driver is on his way to the hospital where his wife is giving birth to their first child. Maybe the women whose weight we criticize actually spends an hour and a half per day at the gym and has actually lost a significant amount of weight or perhaps she has a medical condition which contributes to her obesity.

I have found that trying not to pass judgement or criticize is easier said than done as I am only human. However, it has served as a good reminder that many times we say or think things that are negative and detrimental about others and, in fact, it only reflects poorly on ourselves and our own self-confidence. We all deserve to be given the benefit of the doubt and to be treated with love and respect. These are the values that I hope to pass on to my children and I hope that, by conscientiously changing my own behavior and thought process, I will help them grow into open-minded, tolerant, loving, patient adults. As the saying goes, if you can't say (or think) anything nice, don't say anything at all! For the next several weeks that is exactly what I will be practicing and hopefully it leads to long-term changes in how I view, think about and approach my fellow human beings.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Parent Teacher interviews tomorrow.

My daughter is in Kindergarten this year and she has been doing pretty well. She is excelling in reading and math and is very artistic. One thing that was a problem on her report card is that for gym and music she doesn't always participate. Sometimes in "carpet time" too. He homeroom teacher is really great with her and tries different things to engage her and I am happy for that. Unfortunately her music and gym teacher are the same person. Dd who has never said this to me about anyone has said that this teacher doesn't like her. I am hoping I can talk to this other teacher and see if she is aware of dd's issues, and that group time for kids like her can feel chaotic and they often don't understand rules or forget them. I have also been told by someone that works with autistic kids that a bunch of kids running around screaming and yelling and perhaps throwing balls can be a very difficult thing for them to deal with. I really want to get this other teacher on board with dd as she will have her for these classes for many years to come and they are the ones that she got lower marks on. Oh the joy of schools and kids and special needs.


Sorry I have really been lacking in the writing department, i've been crazy busy!
I'll have to update tomorrow at some point, I am going to go do laundry so it'll have to be after that!

Again sorry!!!


I am raising a 2 and a half yr old going on 15

Besides the fact that my belly is growing larger everyday and new pains are also added, it is really starting to hit me that in just over 2 and a half months I am going to be a mother of two. My daughter who is 2.5yr is amazing, she is so smart maybe too smart I didn't think at this age she could tell me off with the proper words and gestures of a teenager. Everyday she tests me with new demands or lack of enthusiasm to listen to anything I say. But I love every new stage she throws at me, I look at this times as not only a learning experience for her but for me and for my husband, right now Grae's ( my daughter)thing is to ignore me all day and not listen then as soon as daddy comes home from work when I have a chance to have a few moments of down time she can not live without me. I guess that is her right as a toddler to make no sense at all , I am almost 30 and I find especially these days I rarely make sense.I know very soon it will be two against one when my husband is at work, I should be taking notes that way when she is an acutal teenager I can pull them out for refrence. I think this time seems a bit more challenging for me simple because I love my child and unborn child so much and I want to be the best I can be and I get frustrated at myself when I lose my patients, but I have be easier on myself and trust that my children know I love them no matter what and take one moment at time.

She's doing great!

I thought I would update you all about my daughter sleeping on her own. She is doing really great. She had a struggle to get to sleep on her own the first night and she got up around 3:00 and just needed a hug! This is a huge break through as she would normally barely have been awake but realized I wasn't there and go tearing around the house screaming and looking for me. In the nights since she has gotten up a few times one night she wanted me to sing to her. So the next night I had some soothing songs on her ipod for her to listen to. She seems to be really proud of herself that she is sleeping on her own. I am really impressed and happy with how great she is doing!

Now me on the other hand?? OMG I forgot about my husband the snoring, bed and cover thief that I love. He also has late shifts from 3:00 to about midnight but a few nights he has worked overtime. He comes home lays down and tells me about his day then gets up to have something to eat relaxes and then comes back to bed around the time I have just gotten back to sleep and fills me in on stuff he forgot. I am glad he is talking to me and telling me things but I am really having a hard time getting sleep and adjusting to a different bed let alone dd coming in to see me and him chatting and then snoring and such. Hopefully I will get use to all this soon. One night he had ice cream and all I could hear was his spoon scrape, scrape, scrape on the bowl, I was ready to beat him with the darn spoon. I think cause I am listening for the kids I am picking up everything that normally wouldn't bother me.

That's how we are doing!

The Terrible Two's!

Isabelle, my 3rd child is starting to go through "The Terrible Two's". I've been through this before... I know it will get worse before it gets better (does it ever get better???). She is 21 months old. About the same age my son Maksim started... and a little younger than when my daughter Audrey started. But I think she is the worst of them all so far. The screaming, the screaching, the grumpiness, the whole "no I don't want it, but YES, I do want it, but noooooo I dont' want it" ... how did I survive this through my other two children? Even better, how did my older two survive it without my harming them???

Just last week my husband and I were saying how much we love this age... she is so funny and so full of wonderment and discovery. And then it started this week. Not so sure I like this age anymore.


I feel so alone right now. I am a week away from being 22 years old and feel friendless. I was the first one out of all my friends to have a child. Nearly all of my friends had abandoned me because I could no longer "party". The invites stopped coming and now I have my two best friends left. I adore that they stuck by me but because they had never experienced pregnancy I couldn't really talk about it with them. I felt like I had no one to turn to.

Now my two best friends are both pregnant. They are not friends with each other but now that their due dates are two weeks apart they are instantly BFFs. Once again I am the outsider. I have the almost one year old. They would rather talk to each other about being pregnant because I am just old news. I am so happy for them. I am so excited that my two other friends will be joining the baby club but I just hate that once again I am excluded. Before I was the one carrying the plague. A BABY oh my god.... now I am the one not pregnant so I can't share in their experiences. I am so jealous that they each get to support each other and talk to each other and experience every thing together.

I just wish I had that! Thank goodness for my IAP ladies otherwise I would have gone crazy.

Machine Washable

Why is it that the covers on my car seat, the high chair and our travelling booster seat are NOT machine washable? Where is the logic in that? And really, if your instructions state that to clean, "Please use a cloth & warm water and wipe down", then really, the entire cover should be plastic. Ever try and wipe down the fabric trim on a high chair? Yeh, try doing that after your child has mashed his food into the fibres. What about when he throws up in his car seat? Try wiping that down with a warm cloth.

Apparently, this is one more thing I need to add to my lessons learned file.

By the way, anyone know if it's easy to get a replacement cover to a high chair because when you machine wash it, the plastic disintegrates.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Good Advice

Good Advice Impatient. There is no better word to describe my mood the last week or so. I am home with my 18 month old son waiting for the birth of his little brother. These circumstances are a little jaded by some major sciatic pain that has been plaguing me for the last 2 months. This pain has made me more than the usual impatient as I've been told by my chiropractor, physiotherapist and Dr. that as soon as I have the baby this pain should subside (so come on baby!!!!) I have a girlfriend who recently moved across the country but thanks to the wonders of modern technology we chat daily on our Blackberrys. Having to hear my daily complaints about the baby that is refusing to be born she gave me this advice....I know you want that baby to come out but don't rush it. Enjoy what is going on right now because you can never go back.Wise words I thought from someone who doesn't have or intend to have any kids. (not that non parents aren't wise I just thought this particular piece of wisdom was extra special coming from her). She is so right. These are the last days I will have to give all my focus and attention to my oldest son. His whole life is about to change and I need to live in the moment.... in these moments that I have just with him. I am looking forward to our little addition and to seeing these two brothers grow and learn together but don't we as parents too often miss the simple daily significant moments wishing for the next big step or milestone? I have to remember to enjoy where I am at the moment and not always be thinking about the next step, the next stage, the next day. I need to remember to take advantage of these days that I can give all of my attention to one little one and not be pulled in two different directions by two little needy babes.I remember when my little guy was first born thinking to myself I am not going to be one of those mothers that is constantly looking forward to the next milestone, rolling over, crawling, walking, but to enjoy every stage for what it is. I even remember offering that advice to a girlfriend at her baby shower. "Enjoy every stage for what it is don't rush anything or you will miss so much." Somewhere along the way I forgot that proclamation and I am grateful to have a girlfriend out there that could remind me to slow down and have some patience.

All in a Days Work

So this is Duncan's second week after potty training. He learned it within a day and is going to the potty on his own when he has to pee, and is doing wonderfully with it. I am so very proud of him! However, I still cannot get him to poop on the potty. He tells me when he has already done it in his underwear. Now he knows the difference - that he has to do it in the potty, and that he has to tell me when he has to go potty for a poop.. But does he do this? Nope! Oh well, hopefully that will come along soon enough. By 2pm today my youngest, Ryan, had had his 2nd bath of the day! LOL What a busy day for sure! First he got his regular bath this morning and then after lunch peed all over himself, as somehow it leaked out of his diaper up through the back, and he was soaked. Boy am I pooped. What a busy day! Can't wait to crawl in bed.. haha So tired.

Going out for Super!

It is in the middle of March Break here. And I guess I must feel adventurous today as I suggested to my Hubby that we all go out for super tonight.
I don't really think my kids are too bad really. Just depends I guess. It depends on if they are tired for one thing. But hey the restaurant is not far from the house so we will be going early enough. Neither child had a nap today but they did have a quite time in their rooms this afternoon! So I am hoping that helps.
Hannah has a tendency to get up out of her chair and does not eat a lot of her meal. I know her stomach is small and doesn't need much. But she really does not eat much at all when we go out and it feels like a waist of money. Probably just being too busy looking around. She is only four. And well, Justin is just Justin! Plain and simple. If you knew him you'd understand. LOL! He is two year old boy! So that should say it all.
I am praying that both kids will be good and behave.
We will just have wait and see.
Have a good rest of the week everyone and Happy Blogging! :)

When to let go of the bottle?

My son is 10 months old, and i'm stuggling at when i should take his bottle away? I want it to be gone by the time he is 12 months old, as i think that's a good time, i just need to get started on it!
When did everyone else swtich to just the cup?
How did you do it?
I have to vent for a minute! I am sooooo tired of people saying things to us in a hinting way! Example: My granmda and grandpa saying "oh food would fill you up more" "oh sometime milk just isn't enough, right Logan?" i'm feeding Logan his lunch bottle..I still haven't got to feeding him 3 meals a day, we feed him 2 and are working on 3, it just doesn't always work out! I'm just tired of the hiniting! If you think you have someone we should be doing differently, just let me know! Alright all done!
Enjoy your day everyone!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009


So tomorrow is my third wedding anniversary. Yay, right?!

I am not sure. Now to clarify, this does not mean I have any doubts in my hubby or our marriage; I am very happy and look forward to many more years together. But in celebrating our wedding anniversary we are also celebrating 9.5 years together in all. We were a committed couple for 5.5 years when he proposed and 6.5 years when we stood in a beautiful gazebo in the Dominican Republic and, through what seemed very much like a "Shot-Gun" wedding, "Tied-the-Knot" forever!

So we've been together a long time and somehow the wedding anniversary doesn't seem so important. Sept 17 marks the day of our first date and for some reason that still feels like the day to celebrate...this year will make 10 years!!

Our 1st wedding anniversary seemed special. Our son Ryken was just 3 months old and my mom came to watch him so we could enjoy a romantic dinner and remember what it was like to just be the two of us. But it was the first time we had left our baby, ever, and I kinda just wanted to race home to see him. The second anniversary was last year and we just went out for dinner with our son. It was nice and that was that.

But for some reason this year I am feeling quite apathetic about it. If I celebrate it at all I feel like marking the occasion for a different reason....the conception of our beautiful boy! That's right, our precious little man was conceived most likely on our wedding night (or possibly a couple days before) and nine months later he arrived! We have been struggling for 11 months now to conceive our 2nd child and some physical obstacles have been recently discovered in my reproductive organs that cause me to question whether our son will be the only one conceived. All the more reason to celebrate that our wedding seemed to coincide with him coming to be here!

So I am not sure what we'll do tomorrow or what will happen, but I can't help but feel a little guilty that it doesn't seem more special to me. I mean aren't women the ones that get all bent out of shape about these things and the men are more lax about it? Is the romance dead? Or has my life as a mother just shaped my view of such things? I don't want to lose what made us want to be together in the first and get lost in parenting...I don't want that to define us, but I seem lost when it comes to changing that!


On Sunday, a girlfriend, and I went out and saw the movie "Orgasmic Birth". I was completely interested because I want to be a Doula and my friend was totally moved by the film because she is 10 weeks pregnant and was pleased to see some other options for labour and delivery than the usual "lay flat on your back and go against gravity while you push your baby out" way.

Unfortunately the women at the movie were severely biased. These were all women who had used midwives and had experienced a home birth and so therefore whenever a woman on the screen was talking about a hospital birth or how they felt safe in the hospital, or if it showed these women in the hospital pushing, these women sitting behind me would laugh, or scoff or gag and gasp. These women do not understand that it is POSSIBLE to feel safe in a hospital. Or they think their way is the ONLY correct way. These women think that all emergencies can be avoided if they have a home birth but we all know it isn't true because we have seen "The Business of Being Born".

On the other side of the table you have the women I speak to who did have hospital births. Their opinions and views of homebirth are that it is barbaric and selfish. When I mention that I plan on having a homebirth with my next child (whenever that may be) these women gasp and scoff and gag and laugh. Much like the women above. These women think I am kidding. They think I cannot possibly go from having a hospital birth to a homebirth. They think that once I have had the drugs I cannot go back. They think I will kill my baby and die on my living room floor.

Now here is my mission: I want to find smart, educated women who know BOTH sides of the story. I am sick of being the outsider no matter where I go. I want to talk to women who did both, or who know both, who won't judge me for one or the other because they understand.

My first birth experience was brutal. 26 hours of back labour, vomiting with each contraction, stuck at 2 cms for 20 hours, walking, rocking on the birth bll, the bath, the shower, nothing helped. There was meconium in the water, i went anemic and started passing out, code "baby green" was called. I was delerious and finally begged for an epidural because I couldn't handle that one thing after another was going wrong. The epidural stopped the throwing up because my body could no longer feel the pain of contractions. I was finally able to sleep for 2 hours and then bam it was time to push. My epidural had worn off, thank goodness, because the pushing and birth of my daughter was what i WANTED to experience. Then my daughters heart rate nearly stopped so my doctor had me on oxygen and gave me an episiotomy. I couldn't hold her right away because she may have inhaled meconium. Once she was checked out and perfect they went sit me up so I could hold her and I nearly fainted due to being anemic (which they didn't know at the time) SO i had to lay flat on my back for an hour. Then I had a shower and the first time I held my daughter was 2 hours later when a nurse told me that it was probably too late for my daughter to learn to breastfeed because it had been too long. I started crying because after all that I just wanted to breastfeed.

Luckily that nurse was just a mjor bitch, my daughter breastfed beautifully and we are all happy and healthy today. But seriously. I have every right to want a different, happier, blissful experience when I do give birth next time. BUT I also wouldn't change anything about Devyn's birth because it was an experience, it was still the best day of my life and I think that by becoming a Doula, I have the abilty to not JUDGE a woman based on her experience. I won't scoff at her asking for an epidural. I won't laugh when she doesn't want to push anymore. I know what it is like to be on that side. I also know what it means to hope for something different. And with educating myself I know that I can help other women avoid the type of birth experience that I had.

The Wheels are turning again.

My 7yr old son has been counting the sleeps until today, when his cousins from Whitehorse make it to town for a visit. We have been traveling up north every summer for the past few years to visit with my husband's family, and each time my son and his cousin Maggie have become better friends. They are little more than a month apart in age, and have an enviable kind of connection between them. 

Last summer we all went to Alaska together for several days. They were virtually inseparable. They giggled and whispered and planned world domination together; or at least ways to keep "the furballs" from interfering with their play. ("The furballs" are my son's two younger sisters, aged 4, and 2 and a half.)  I asked, him one sunny Alaskan afternoon, why he was smiling so much. His answer? "Mom, when Maggie and I are together, the wheels in our heads start turning." 

I can hardly wait for their reunion this week. Who knows what direction those turning wheels will take them? I hope I get to go along for the ride.

One Quick Note

Just a quick thing - I have to say, I have NOTHING against secretaries. In fact, they are my favourite people, and have made my life infinitely easier! My problem is that I have a university degree and 2 years experience in a position that just happens to be much further up the corporate ladder than a secretary position.

So - I hope I didn't offend any secretaries out there!

Monday, March 16, 2009

Button for Sharing

I hope Britt doesn't mind and I'm not stepping on anyone's toes... I couldn't find an image to link to to promote the page. I needed a quick button for sharing and made up a temporary one that adheres to a common layout for buttons:

It was created by the Button Maker provided by Adam Kalsey and it's in PNG format.

First post - crisis post!

Hi everyone!

I guess I should introduce myself first - I'm a mom of 3: 6 year old Cohen, 4 year old Lili and 10 month old Luci. I'm just wrapping up my mat leave, and today got a RUDE surprise when I went for a meeting with my old boss.

A little background history here - before I started my leave, there were some definite issues between myself and my boss. I work at a small company - about 6 full time staff, 30 or so casual staff - and my position was pretty much the second-most senior position in the company. My boss and I had been battling over various issues, one of which was definitely my struggles during my pregnancy. Let me interject here - my boss is a woman, in her late 30's, single, and childless. Not by choice - she desperately wants to get married and have kids. Anyway - during the last few months of my pregnancy, she was becoming more and more difficult and I was extremely stressed out - to the point where I considered taking a stress leave. Here's an example. I am a type-A, hyper-organized perfectionist. I'm harder on myself and have higher expectations of myself than any boss could. Well, one day, I realized that I had booked a meeting 15 minutes earlier than I'd thought, and was thus late. I jokingly said to the secretary "ooops! baby brain!". Later that day, my boss pulled me into her office and proceeded to lecture me. She wanted me to know that I "was not the only pregnant woman in the world that has to actually work while she's pregnant", and that I was "not to use my pregnancy or this baby as an excuse for doing my job poorly every again".

Huh????? Yeah. Of course, I ended up hysterically crying (seriously, that 3rd pregnancy? SO HORMONAL) and was totally incapable of defending myself.

Anyways. I went on my mat leave with relief. I LOVE my job. It is a program that I built up from nothing, and invested 2 years of my life into. When I arrived in the position (prior to my current boss being hired), the program was in shambles. It is now highly regarded. I'm seriously invested in my position.

I heard through the grapevine that she was planning on changing my position when I returned. Honestly, I chalked it up to petty gossip. I did note over the 10 months that I was gone that nearly 80% of the staff quit. I chalked it up to everyone else finding her difficult as well.

LONG story short (too late)! 3 weeks ago I gave her my notice that I was returning (my hubby is taking 6 weeks of parental leave). Last week she requested that I meet with her and an HR consultant to discuss the details of my return. I'll admit, a flag went up in my head, but I ignored it. Today was that meeting.

Imagine my surprise. Immediately, as I sat down, I was told that the company "had been through some restructuring" and that "my previous position is no longer available" to me. They are now requiring "an advanced level of training" for that position (which, btw, I found out that my replacement does not have; she is only starting that training this week as well). However, they would like to offer me a "comparable" position.

That position? Officially - "Customer Service Coordinator". Officially, I will be in charge of, hire and train up to 4 customer service reps for the front reception area.
BUT. Unfortunately, due to the recession, they cannot afford to hire any customer service reps currently, and I will be the only one in that position for the time being, until such a time that it is financially feasible to "maybe" hire "1 or 2 people".

That position? Realistically? Secretary. Seriously. I'll be doing all the photocopying and crap for the person who currently has my old position. I'll be answering phones.

So... Of course, I weakly asked for documentation of the "restructuring" and a copy of the company orginizational chart. Because, of course, by law, she is required to offer me my old position back or a position of comparable seniority and salary.

The good news? My salary stays the same. Highest paid secretary EVER! The bad news? I'm totally being demoted, seriously to the bottom of the company, and I can't prove it, because of course she will have re-done the org chart, and because she's calling it "coordinator", it looks like I actually am coordinating something.

So I spent all day crying. I know I should be grateful that I have a job, that it pays well... but I can't help it - I feel like I've been ambushed. I have only until Friday to decide... to sign or not to sign. I'm supposed to start work next Monday. My hubby's leave is all ready to go. I HAVE to work! I'll also admit that there is some ego bruising going on - when I think about being a secretary (let's face it, that's what the position is), I'm mortified. Everyone there knows what happened - I could tell as soon as I walked in.

It took my husband and I three years to decide to have a third child. We both worried about having the time and energy for a third child - plus, we were both very busy in our respective careers, and didn't want to lose any momentum. I love my daughter more than life, and I don't regret having her for a minute - but there is a part of me that feels like the decision to have another child has derailed my career. Of COURSE I'll be calling the Human Rights Commission, but I know what they'll tell me: I can file a complaint, but they cannot protect my job during the process. And seriously - if the complaint went through, and I "won" - I'm a marked woman after that. My boss will scrutinize every single thing I do, until she finds a reason to fire me. If, of course, the stress of the situation doesn't kill me first.

The bright side? I recently started my own business, as and event manager/designer (social events, fundraisers, wedding planning/design), and it's going well. Not well enough, unfortunately, that I can quit my job, but I am hoping that I will be able to within a year. In some ways, though, it's almost harder.

I don't know. I don't know what to do. It is so hard for working moms to find that balance to begin with. Working full-time and raising children is stressful enough, without the additional stress that this "secretary" job will bring.

What do I do? What would you do? Did anyone else experience trouble returning to work from their leave?

I am sooo proud of Justin!

This week is March Break here.So that means no Preschool for Hannah and no classes for Justin. What a good time to potty train Justin. He has been on the potty before and has done awesome. I just have not been consistent with the whole thing. So this is what we are doing for the this week.
Today went well. If he is naked then he does awesome! He has problems with the undies thing though. He will have accidents. So we will work on that more tomorrow. I do understand why he would be confused over that. I'm sure underwear feel like diapers to him.
He has never had a bowl movement in the potty either. So that is another thing we must work on as well.THAT should be interesting to say the least. I just hope Justin is not like Hannah was when it come to this area. I hope he doesn't hold his pooppies in like she did. We are just getting over that hurdle with Hannah now!
I must say I am proud of Justin though. He has gone to the potty today many times. When he is done he always wanted to come with me to the bathroom to flush his pee in the toilet. One time today he came into the kitchen where I was and just handed me the potty bowl (with no pee in it). I was like where is the pee thinking it was on the floor when he took it out of the seat. But actually he already flushed it with out me! How funny and smart AND scary is that. I had to tell him to wait for Mommy to do that.
Well, I sure hope tomorrow is as good as today was! Wish Justin and I good luck!

On the mend...

First off, thanks to everyone who wished me well in my recovery from what turned out to be, yup, a case of mastitis.
For those of you lucky Moms who haven't been through this, its essentially an inflammation of the breast, caused by a blocked milk duct or infection. Its quite painful, and this morning I woke up ill and rather weepy... the kind of weepy I get when I have the flu. I just wanted someone to wrap me up in a warm duvet and stroke my hair whilst feeding me clear broth and ibuprofen.

I had to work a couple hours this morning at the studio, so in between getting dressed and doing my makeup and nursing and changing and playing with Ruby I made a call to Health Link, which is a service that lets you speak with a Registered Nurse who can assess your symptoms and give you advice on whether or not you need to see a doctor. Half the questions they ask involves how your baby is doing, and one of these questions was How many wet diapers does she have in 24 hours?

Are we still counting these? I know there must be some Moms who are on top of these Very Important Details, however, if I had to keep track of exactly how many wet diapers my daughter had in a day on top of everything else I'd need some sort of charting system. (Perhaps a flow chart? Har har.) Then she asked me what color her stool was. I told her it was the colour of whatever she has been eating that day. Please, my boob?

So now I'm on a course of antibiotics for the next 10 days, which hopefully clears things up. At the Dr.'s office I was seen by an attending med student who was about 8 months pregnant. She kept apologising that she had to palpate my armpits, etc. during my exam, and I felt like saying, "Just watch when you're in the hospital delivering that baby; you'll be "palpated" so many times by so many different people that you'll barely care by the end!"

My husband is home from work, we've had a nice supper, Ruby has been bathed and massaged and read to and put to bed... which is exactly what I would love for myself (wouldn't you? AND I want pajamas with feet... oh, heaven). I think I'll find a nice duvet to curl up in...

Potty training - do I have a problem?

Hey ladies, just wanted to put this one out there & see if anyone has had a similar experience,or any advice!

My daughter is coming up to 3 1/2 years old, & is not fully potty trained as yet. She will sometimes pee in the potty or in the bathoom, when I take her there, and is in pull-ups during the day & a regular diaper at night. The baby books seem to suggest that she "should" be clean by now, but she doesn't always seem to beware of the need to pee, until after the event....she'll tell me when she has peed, rather than she needs to pee. I am worried about trying to force her before she is ready, & making it traumatic for everyone concerned. I have friends who have basically put their kids in regular underwear & let them have accidents until they are clean, but I also have a 15 month old son, who I can just see following us around & putting his hands in pee puddles while I'm attempting cleanup! Is she just a late bloomer in this department, should I be concerned...or am I just missing something? Arrggghh! It's not as if I want her to be trained by this time next week, but I would like her to go to preschool / playgroup in the fall & she would need to be potty trained to attend them apparently.

Re connecting with kids

Ok, recently my husband and I decided to limit the time spent on computer, video games, etc and get back to more family time! So far I really like what I see. Last night my 2 oldest and hubby and I watched "amazing race" together, and all through the commercials we were talking about the show. How the teams were making choices, why teams were doing better than others, what made teams more successful than others. I loved it!
I realized that as soon as they were home from school, the kids went 3 different directions and I had no idea how everyone was doing anymore!
I know the biggest change was going to come from my husband and I. As we were the ones having to enforce these changes. The boys do a few more chores around the house. Dishes, room cleaning, garbage, laundry, and for the most part it is done without complaining, and they now realize good behavior gets rewarded, bad behavior gets more chores!

Two minute cuddle

Every school morning me and Kai have our routine to get him ready for the day. We get up and have breakfast, than it's time for the bathroom and brushing teeth. After comes the best part of my morning though. Before getting him dressed I sit on his bed and he sits in my lap and just snuggles up, and he makes sure we do this every morning. It usually is only for 2 minutes because than he needs to get dressed and I need to throw on some clothes so I can take him to the bus, but it's the best 2 minutes of my day.

Some of my friends kids don't want to snuggle anymore, and I always hear about moms who tell you to enjoy the hugs and kisses because they won't last long. I lucked out though that Kai and me are very close and he even has hugs and kisses days where throughout the day he wants a hug and a kiss no matter what we're doing. He still likes to cuddle and snuggle up when we're watching movies, and he asks for cuddles every night when it's bed time. Some days I worry though that all of a sudden he won't want a hug or a kiss anymore. I just remember my parents never showed us any affection growing up and it has created a lot of problems with my relationship with them. I told myself I'd never be like that with my children that no matter what I would tell them I love them and that I would show affection and give them hugs and kisses.

I hope our 2 minute cuddle can last as long as it can before he's too big to sit on my lap or thinks he's too old for it. I like sharing that time with him and when he's older he'll remember I was always there for him no matter what.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Sunny days! definately in love with sunny days!

I never fully realised how much I missed the sun, the blue skies, the white puffy clouds and the temperature when it's not lingering in the "minus" section with the "windchill factor" going off in the background!
For once, a beautiful day!
the snow is melting, the puddles...omg the puddles!
Due to those LOVELY puddles my loving son, who is 3 yrs old, decided it was 'splashing time' and well, that is exactly what he did. The only thing, he HATES getting wet...
so THREE outfits later, FIVE pairs of socks and a very wet jacket...he's done splashing! (only took in 1 1/2 hrs of it)
I have no clue how someone so small, with a very small attention span can find so much joy, so much excitement and so much love in splashing in the puddles
Not that I mind, but after about 20 min and two outfit changes, I was getting tired of the routine.
But back to the sunny days.
Oh that warmth! that sun! I hope this means that spring has sprung!
it has been a LONG, very very LONG winter.
We saw our neighbours...the ones that cowered away in the winter, the ones that rushed from their car to their homes as the cool wind blew and as the snow piled up...yes, we still have them!
It was amazing to chat with them and not worry about cold hands, a cold child and the threat of a horrible windchill or even freezing rain!
We even dusted off Nicholas' little bike...and oh he looked so cute...until he put his feet on the peddles and the poor tykes knees were nearly hitting his ears...I think a new bike is in order.
But the trooper that he is, he rode that bike for nearly 45 minutes around the neighbourhood. We did get some looks, but what am I going to say? So I waved, smiled and said "hello, nice day isn't it?"
I'm sure they whispered saying "gee, that mom should get him a new bike"
Try telling a 3 yr old that we are going bike shopping on the FIRST beautiful day since the snow fell and see how far you get
The best part about the 'sunny day' and all the outside time and puddle splashing?
The knock-out at 6pm and OVER 2 hours of "me time"
so BRING ON THE SUN! I have PLANS for this spring/summer/fall

Ow, my boob!

I should of thought of this before...
Yesterday evening one of my baby-feeding devices (AKA breasts) became sore, and a little lumpy. I made my husband insane by grabbing his hand every 1/2 hour and latching it onto my chest (and to think this is something he would've welcomed a couple years ago!), exclaiming,"FEEL THIS! Does this feel normal? Do you think its cancer?! Ouch!!"
And after the fourth time reassuring me that my breast felt normal, he would just snatch his hand back and glare at me like I was insane. It would be nice to think my husband could pick me out of a line-up by the condition of my boobs alone (what kind of line-up would that be?? Sounds like a guy's dream...), but he doesn't seem to notice the difference between when they're lumpy, and non-lumpy.
I take that back; he did notice when my milk came in shortly after giving birth to my daughter... his reaction wavered between lust and all-out fear. But I digress...

My own hypochondria aside, I remember it as being the same feeling as when I had a blocked milk duct when my daughter was about 2 months old. When it happened the first time, I sat in a hot, steamy bath to get things clear again. This time I remembered something the Home-Visit nurse suggested, that at the time I scoffed at: Pour hot water on a disposable diaper and plaster it across the offending baby-feeder. I think what I scoffed at was the idea of "wasting" a diaper to do this... I like the Premium ones (they smell like baby powder!), and they ain't cheap.

Fast-forward several months later, and here I am typing this with a hot, wet diaper strapped across one side of my chest. I'll admit it does feel better. I'll also admit that I'm in the house ALONE, because my husband has taken the baby to his parents' place for dinner and due to my general malaise, I've opted out. This his first Solo-Outing with the baby, so I hope all goes well!

So that means I have the house to myself for a few hours tonight! I could catch up on all the tv shows I've recorded, I could catch up on all the laundry, I could take that hot, steamy bath!

Truth be told, I'll probably take a nap with a hot, soggy diaper.
Good Times.

Walking with Daddy

My husband has been really busy lately preparing for a gaming convention that we are running in 2 weeks. The kids have been missing him, my daughter in particular.

Yesterday we went for a walk, minus Daddy, and everyone was an independent explorer for the most part. Today we went for another walk, this time with Daddy, and both kids wanted to hold hands. It is funny how they often don't want me to do things for them (my son won't let me brush his teeth), but will go to Daddy to do it when he is around (he will bring his tooth brush to Daddy and let him brush his teeth)!

It is really nice to see how attached my kids are to their daddy.

Whoops!! my bad...

OMG! I am sorry if your security program alarms were going off. *blush*

I added a referral link to the page and it wasn't liked.. so I removed it.. it's all fixed now.


Its nice today

I decided that if my children could keep their attitude's I would take them for a horse drawn sliegh ride. However the fighting was of course non stop this morning and I lost it on them both. Then I braved taking them to the grocery store and out for lunch. Things were not to bad, besides the normal of repeating my self half a million times, and telling each of them to mind their own business half a million times. Typical things in my house. But they actually didn't do to bad. They even ate their lunch I was surprised. Then we ( grandma joined us) took them to where the rides were happening. Neither kid know this is what was happening until we got there. It was great. They were so excited. Really enjoyed the ride, and had lots of fun. they got to pet the horses and have their pictures taken with them. Then as soon as they got into the van the bickering started again, I just don't know any more. However today seems to be a little better than yesterday. Tomorrow will be even better. Shayne is in school and Isabelle is going to daycare.

Big change today!

I am just going to start buy saying please don't judge me for this as everyone seems to have strong opinions on this topic.

My daughter has been a co-sleeper since she was little. I got more sleep she got more sleep we all did better with her co-sleeping. My son however has never co-slept. Maybe the rare nap cuddle but he likes his space and he likes to sleep on his own. I think that co-sleeping is an individual thing that each family has to decided what works fo them. My dd just turned 6, and she also has special needs. One of her issues is that she has night terrors. She will get up and run around blindly and scream till I can get to her and call her down. If I am co-sleeping with her I can feel her getting restless and know that if I just hug her or rub her back I can settle her back to sleep without a problem. Therefor we still get more sleep and she doesn't get so worked up if we are co-sleeping. I have noticed in the last couple of months she hasn't had any really restless episodes. We talk today and she has decided that she would like to sleep with her stuffed animals now. I am thrilled as I feel that sleeping in a separate beds is not helping my husbands and I's relationship. We aren't in trouble but we don't feel as contected and lets just say our sexlife has not been the same either. I really hope that this will go well tonight . I have tried several times to end the co-sleeping but I end up going and laying down with her and falling asleep and then lack of sleep form her waking me drives me back to the co-sleeping. I am hoping becasue she has told me this is what she would like she will do well.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

A Pre-Emptive Apology to My Future Daughters-In-Law

To my dear and future daughters-in-law,

I'm so sorry. Really, I am. Very, very sorry. I tried, I really tried.

Your future husbands will suffer greatly from a horrible and debilitating thing known as
MRBS. This is also known as Male Refrigerator Blindness Syndrome. You know, when they stand at the door of the refrigerator for hours looking for......oh I don't know......let's say.....milk.

"Honey/Mom, where's the milk? I can't fiiiiiiiind it."

This phrase will be uttered several times over and in escalating tones until you walk over to the fridge and pull it out of the door. You know, where the milk has been placed since the beginning of time eternal (which for us, is 3 years as that's how long we've been in this house and how the fridge is set up for milk.)

I have tried my best to keep your future husbands from suffering this dread disease. If there was an inoculation against it, I would have had them immunized 3 times over, just for good measure. Alas, there is not and all the EXTENSIVE training I've poured into them has clearly flown out the window; my intense study of the syndrome seems to indicate that sufferers generally begin to show symptoms shortly after puberty and these symptoms are only alleviated upon death.

I have found a temporary measure that works occasionally and that is to walk by the fridge door as they're hollering, and slam the door on their heads. It seems to rattle something in there just long enough that the test/study subjects experience a momentary relief from the vast side effects of this horrible syndrome. Unfortunately, such relief is only temporary, and all too soon they're once again within the clutches of the syndrome.

So I apologize, in advance. I did everything I could to keep them from the steely grip of MRBS but it was stronger than I. I have failed you. I'm so so sorry.

With love and much sadness,

Your future mother-in-law

P.S. I should probably tell you about the MCFCAS (Male/Men Can't Find Crap All Syndrome) they suffer from the rest of the time....and apologize for that too. *sigh*