New Outlook On Life

Well over the past few weeks, if you have not read my previous post, alot has been going on in my life. During that time it was really tough and part of me wished i had that significant other to help me out and go through it with me. But then I had this really great conversation with my mom the other night. My Mom split up with my real Dad when i was two years old. So for awhile it was just her raising my older brother, my older sister and I. And then just over a year later she met my step Dad and was with him for 27 years....they split up just over a year ago. Usually she gives me a hard time and tells me i am to picky and i should settle down with someone. But this time she actually listened and understood where i was coming from. And then she told me how much she enjoyed it when she was single with us....even though it was tough at times.
I think it was this conversation that really made me realize i am not ready to give up my independence yet....or have to answer to someone. I don't know how many other single women are reading this and who may understand but again its just my thoughts and not meant to offend anyone. I have been through two horrible relationships (to say the least), I feel like my children especially my 9 year old daughter have been through enough, and i just need to continue to focus on the three of us. My daughter has an alcoholic for a father and she seen my son's dad hit me. Thats alot to take in as a child.
I have been single now for almost 3 1/2 years and on the most part i am really content with our lives. My son's Dad, although his many issues with me, is a pretty good Dad to both of my children. Many may wonder, but he would never raise a hand to either one of them, it was control thing for him with me. So although i have the children Monday to Friday and every second weekend, I did try the dating thing on the weekends i didn't have them. But i always seemed to find a reason to get serious with anyone.
I kept telling myself i was ready to move on and find someone but then the more i have thought about it the more i realized i am still just not ready. When the time is right it will happen for me and i will find that someone who can handle my independence and 'my ways'....and until then i am just going to keep being happy being me and striving to be the amazing mother i know i can be!!!