Thursday, April 9, 2009

Working Mom vs Stay At Home Dad

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one out there that is living the reverse situation.

We made a difficult decision when we had John, in that I would be the one to return to work and my husband, Steven, would be the one to stay home and be a stay at home dad. There were many factors involved in this decision; it started with the decision that we didn't want to put John in daycare and then we discovered that even if we wanted daycare that it was quite difficult to find a quality home. So finally we sat down and did the math, we realized that while my salary is less than my husband's, I had the potential to make more money with the profit share structure at my job.

I was off on mat leave for 9 months and then my husband took the remainder. It's hard not to feel like I'm missing so many important (and not so important) things throughout the day. I miss going to playdates. I miss waking up and be able to hear John laughing to himself in his crib. I miss going for a morning walk with John. I miss so many things.

It's hard to still be doing the bulk of the household work, working full-time outside the home, and becoming the main caregiver the minute I walk through the door. It's hard knowing that the financial burden rests on my shoulders.

On the flip side, every time I see Steven with John my heart melts a little bit. I also know that he's got a much more laid back parenting style and John benefits from both. I also know that we are fortunate to be able to have one parent stay at home regardless which parent that is. And I know it makes me much more appreciative of my time with John, after work, on weekends or the days I take off to go to storytime.

But you know what burns my ass every single time? When someone comments on how great it is that Steven stays home. Like having a father stay at home is so much more incredible than having a mother. No-one ever congratulated me when I was at home. Why is that?

2 comments:

  1. Yeah I know exactly what you mean! I am SAHM for the moment and everyone assumes I do nothing at all. But if I leave my son for a few hours with his dad on a Saturday or something, even my own mother goes gaga.

    It also sucks that you have to still do most of the housework. Some things never change regardless of whether you're working or not...

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  2. What I would like to know is why, when the mom is watching the kids it's just life, but when the dad's watching the kids it's babysitting???

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