A Pre-Emptive Apology to My Future Daughters-In-Law

To my dear and future daughters-in-law,

I'm so sorry. Really, I am. Very, very sorry. I tried, I really tried.

Your future husbands will suffer greatly from a horrible and debilitating thing known as MRBS. This is also known as Male Refrigerator Blindness Syndrome. You know, when they stand at the door of the refrigerator for hours looking for......oh I don't know......let's say.....milk.


"Honey/Mom, where's the milk? I can't fiiiiiiiind it."


This phrase will be uttered several times over and in escalating tones until you walk over to the fridge and pull it out of the door. You know, where the milk has been placed since the beginning of time eternal (which for us, is 3 years as that's how long we've been in this house and how the fridge is set up for milk.)



I have tried my best to keep your future husbands from suffering this dread disease. If there was an inoculation against it, I would have had them immunized 3 times over, just for good measure. Alas, there is not and all the EXTENSIVE training I've poured into them has clearly flown out the window; my intense study of the syndrome seems to indicate that sufferers generally begin to show symptoms shortly after puberty and these symptoms are only alleviated upon death.



I have found a temporary measure that works occasionally and that is to walk by the fridge door as they're hollering, and slam the door on their heads. It seems to rattle something in there just long enough that the test/study subjects experience a momentary relief from the vast side effects of this horrible syndrome. Unfortunately, such relief is only temporary, and all too soon they're once again within the clutches of the syndrome.



So I apologize, in advance. I did everything I could to keep them from the steely grip of MRBS but it was stronger than I. I have failed you. I'm so so sorry.



With love and much sadness,


Your future mother-in-law


P.S. I should probably tell you about the MCFCAS (Male/Men Can't Find Crap All Syndrome) they suffer from the rest of the time....and apologize for that too. *sigh*