My long road to motherhood

I thought I would share with you about my long road to motherhood. My husband and I got married when I was 30. We waited a couple of years before trying for kids. My husband had been married before and has a son and daughter from that marriage. When we decided to try for a baby we had no reason to think this would be hard. Well I got pregnant after only 2 months of trying. It was strange cause I got a bit of spotting just after my positive test. I went to the Dr. to have it confirmed but she said no I was not p/g. So I think that is odd I had 2 test in my purse to show her and she still said no I wasn't. In hind sight I should have told her I wanted a blood test but I was new to this and didn't even know about asking for this. So I go back in a week and they do another test and still not pg but the home ones are showing +. I finally called the p/g test phone number and they said there is no way to get a false positive but that Dr. offices use ones that aren't as sensitive so that could be it. The lady at the p/g test # suggested going to a walk in clinic to get tested and ask for a blood test. By this time I had some bleeding but not like a period. I went to the clinic and they sent me for blood work and it showed I was p/g but that the levels where pretty low for the stage I was at. They where great and sent me for an ultrasound on the Monday and it showed that the baby was really small and no heartbeat. I was so disappointed. They said to just let it run it's course and try again in a couple of months.

So that's what we did. Again it took us 2 month to get p/g and this time things where looking great. No spotting. went to a walk in to get confirmed (never wnet back to the Dr. that said I wasn't p/g). I was about 10 weeks along, so close to the magic 12 weeks we where feeling really happy. Then I had just a little discolored discharge. Not much and I wished it away but it didn't work. I had an appointment with my OB two day later and he checked me out and said that sometimes this happens but my cervix is closed and so it is all okay . If it gets worse just go to the hospital not a walk in. Then a few days later it was worse. I went to the hospital and I guess while I was waiting for a Dr. to examine me I passed the fetus. The dam Dr. asked if I wanted to see it. I was so heartbroken. two babies that I had lost. I went to my OB a couple of weeks later to get checked and he said that everything looked good. I asked why this was happening and he said this can just happen but that they can't really do much until you have 3 consecutive miscarriages. That really sucked. So needless to say we got p/g again and again I miscarried. Each time was just a little more devastating to us.

Now I have 3 m/c under my belt I can get some test done I have an HSG test where they inject you with a dye that shows the inside of your uterus looks like and I get referred to another ob. That was one of the best thing to happen. The new OB was so great! He found scar tissue and he could do a procedure to remove it and then we should be okay. Happy day we will be able to have a baby. Except that ooops I got p/g before the surgery we where trying but DH is not big on condoms. No it didn't work and I m/c again. This is #4 really really hard to think about loosing all those babies. After a few months I had the surgery and healed up nicely. I had to be on birth control for a number of months to let things heal and then we got to try again. Wow first month and we are p/g. This is it everything it going to be great! He told me to take baby aspirins and once p/g I took progesterone pills to help make things work. Except that it didn't at about 8 wks I had spotting and ended up loosing another baby. By this time people are saying well there is always adoption and what about IVF. Not maybe next time. By this time I am just feeling like I won't be able to have kids and it is really hard to think about with out crying my eyes out. Meanwhile my friends that decided to have start families around the same time as me are having babies and thinking about a second one. I had a niece born who love but it is hard to see babies everywhere and wonder if I will ever have one. Anyway my OB was great. He worked at the Calgary Fertility Clinic before he went on his own and he had talked to the Dr. there about me. He sent a request in for me to go to them and in the mean time I had an other p/g that we did bed rest and everything else and still I ended up having to have a D&C. The good thing was the the Fertility clinic called 2 days after the m/c and they had a cancellation for the following week!! So we do this whole battery of tests including DH having to come and fill a cup! He was so not impressed as there was nothing wrong with him!! Anyway they did another HSG and it looked like I had more scaring come back. So another surgery this one more invasive as they wanted to see the inside and outside to see if there was something going on. The Dr. said once he got in everything looked fine and he just removed a tiny bit of scaring. When we went to the follow-up appointment they basically said we can not find a reason why this is happening. Great that is it I'm not going to have a baby. The Dr. did suggest that my uterine lining could be too thin and so he suggested taking Clomid prior to conceiving and then I had to do progesterone supositories till I hit 13 wks. Okay I will try anything. Once again we try and first month p/g Hurray!! The most amazing thing was even though I had always felt hopeful with each p/g when I found out I was p/g this time I knew it was going to be okay I had an ultrasound at 6 weeks and the baby was the right size and there was 1 (risk of twins with clomid). I cut my hours back a bit at work and took it easy. I was very superstious this time around. I also went to a lady and got some stuff that was to help keep the uterus healthy during p/g. I had to go for weekly blood test to monitor my HCG levels for the first 13 wks too. Low and behold after 6 m/c on Dec. 13 2002 I had a beautiful baby girl!!! It was a long hard time but it just made us that much happier to be blessed with our children. Because of all that we went through we decided if we where to have one more we should try soon and I said that if I have more than one m/c then we are not meant to have 2 kids I just didn't think I could get on that roller coaster again and I knew I could be happy with having one child. We tried 10 months later and first month p/g I knew again that this baby would be healthy and go to term and I knew it was going to be a boy. I ended up having an amnio as something in one of the test made the Dr. concerned. When they called to say all was good and it was a boy. I told the lady I knew it. She just laughed. I feel truly blessed to have my kids and the road we went through showed me that my husband and I can make it through anything and how special having kids can be. I just thought if anyone was going through something like I did it would help to read my story.